Hunks »Alec Baldwin

alec baldwinMr Alec Baldwin has several strikes against him and his involvement in movies like Along Came Polly and the abomination that was Cat in the Hat are the least of them. He once joked about killing wives and children on national TV and then there's that phone call?But the worst flaw is that he is a Baldwin at all.

Having a crush on him is like mooning over a member of the bad news clan of crystal meth making, dirty town weirdos that had lice (see the likes of The Little Friend, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, and The Bumpeses from the work of Jean Shepard). Even if you have a crush on the one that did finish grade school, you're still tainted by the longings you can't deny for a member of the disgraceful family.

Stephen's latest ventures, if I may call them that, even overshadow an outburst of “little pigs” but I, shamed to say, could ignore all Alec's shortcomings solely based on his phenomenal turn as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. Let's just say that in my opinion, the mentoring upper class executive never left the bubble.

For those of you who have inexplicably still decided to ignore the funniest show currently airing on television, for further proof that my crush is justified I'll point you to his powerful man in a suit performance in Glengarry Glen Ross, and a gentler, more glasses and checkered shirts type of guy role in Beetlejuice. You can also become converted to my way of the hairy chest in (what was strangely an absolute favorite movie of mine as a pre teen) Married to the Mob.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Albums »Blackout

britney spears blackoutThis may be the most guiltiest and most pleasurable thing on this week's list. I have seriously been listening to Britney's Blackout all day for days now and I have to say, it can put you in a strange head space. It swings from vacant schlock (Heaven on Earth) that was made for reality show scenes where some rich and terrible person buys sunglasses or something to way too overstated raw sexuality.

It's pure trend pop and probably in the very worst sense of the word if you're not a fan. And if you're on the fence I almost don't even to tell you about “Everybody” where she whimpers and writhes all over Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics grinding the once classic hit into something much, much sluttier. To my credit though, it's not my favorite track – that honor belongs to Freakshow, Oh Oh Baby, Gimme More, Piece of Me and Radar.

Genuine is not exactly the word you expect to be used to describe such blatantly clubby music, but the lyrics are written with the unsophisticated earnestness of a dumb teenager, well a dumb teenager with a crew of coked up back ground dancers egging her on, but the vulnerability of songs so obviously about her problems is almost sympathetic. I dare any girl to deny that there aren't tenth grade lyrics to heartbreak songs in her bedroom in their parent's home filled with lines like:

Lavish homes and fancy cars
Even got the drop Ferrari
Filled up our garage for you
Made your choice with all the teams
People and US Magazines
Tell me who'd I do that for, who?

Er, OK, so I guess it's not the most easy thing to relate to. The music does, after all come courtesy of a crazy person that leads a totally f-ed up life, but I stick by my claim that there's something honest about lyrics like

“I'm Mrs. 'Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets'
When getting the groceries, no, for real..
Are you kidding me?”

It's a funny album too. Any and all of the slowed down parts make me giggle, particularly when what sounds like a manly orca whale sings “me and the girls bout to get it on”. It also gives me a particular but undefined thrill to have a bunch of background singers yelling my name all the time in my earphones. “Brittany, let's go!” they always tell me.

I am really missing the big picture so far with this review though. While I have chosen to focus on the very strange whacked out person that shines through in the album, it's fair to say that for the most part this is all about getting freaky, out of control and naked and freaky (she uses the word a LOT throughout this thing). It's basically music made for dancing with your pussy out.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Songs »Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under

shania twain whose bed have your boots been underShania basically represents everything that I find unholy about the direction of modern country music. I like my pop music in my pop music but when it comes to twangy heartbreak I like it old timey Loretta Lynn style and nearly faint with grouchiness at the thought of modern country.

Still, there’s no point in denying that her big haired first big hit just gets me right in the gut and before I know it, I’m singing it all day long to the frustration of those around me.

In the video she’s a tarty waitress who spends more time flirting with the town’s sons, dads, and grandpas in a totally inappropriate work dress. On the cover of the single, wow, she seems to have taken some cues from Silk Stalkings and gone double breasted and somehow, inexplicably jump suit at the same time. This is pretty much a poster child for how the latest trend can go horribly wrong. Just look at the length of that crotch.

The song was written together with her then husband Mutt Lange who is legendary in the business for his hit making producing of AC/DC, Def Leppard, and Foreigner.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Books »Guilty Pleasures

guilty pleasures laurell k hamiltonWhile Laurell K. Hamilton‘s Anita Blake vampire hunter novel Guilty Pleasures is certainly an appropriate title for this week’s theme, I wasn’t so sure I’d actually be able to recommend it due a few previous reading missteps. I tried re-reading some V.C. Andrews and found myself feeling all the guilt without any pleasure so I tried a Gossip Girl book but I found myself bored. Buffy knock off or not, I thought this book was perfectly entertaining and, happily enough, there was enough to keep me feeling a little bit guilty too.

For example, Guilty Pleasures refers to a vampire strip club where several scenes in the book takes place. Like most vampire novels (see Twilight) no one can get over how fast they are, and Anita Blake (a hard-boiled and, frankly, bigoted hunter) spends most of the novel gritting her teeth and resisting their power through sheer brassiness and sassiness. It’s a role I can only imagine a Hollywood casting director giving to Eliza Dushku – but I hate Eliza Dushku and her crooked eyebrow acting style, so instead I chose to envision Vanessa Ferlito (Butterfly in Death Proof).

It’s a good one to try for Twilight fans, though it lacks the high school romance. There’s romance, kind of, but it seems that everyone this Anita meets is a suitor, so it’s hard to figure out which buff guy to actually root for. Is it the stripper vampire junky who wears fishnet shirts? Or the ancient vampire who blushes and tells Anita he “likes” her? Or is it Edward, the ultimate bounty hunter who’s always there for her as a friend? It’s all pretty mild stuff but, from what I’ve read, Hamilton gets kinkier and kinkier as the series evolves and the last books are so groin-centric that they’re shelved in the romance section.

Plot-wise sure, Hamilton may have co-opted some basic ideas from Joss Whedon’s 1992 screenplay, but who knows – I will say that the much less successful and painful to watch True Blood (oh, my stars!) most likely took inspiration from Hamilton’s work. Set in an alternate reality 1990’s St Louis, vampires and other supernatural beings are recognized as citizens. Anita, aside from slaying vamps, is an animator. Not like an artist for Dora the Explorer, but someone who raises the dead. She does this for profit through an agency, but she actually prefers killing to reanimation.

The big kill would be the Master, a Shirley Temple-esque 1000-year-old vampire that runs the town. But, before she can drive a stake in the Master’s heart, Anita has to do a job for her: find out who (or what!) has been murdering vampires. In the process, she meets the coolest characters in the book, a pack of Were-rats that wear cut-off jean shorts.

It’s a quick and easy beach read, perfect for mindless fun in between books less likely to earn you judgey stares on the subway.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Movies »Airborne

airborne movieAirborne has been a personal guilty pleasure of mine since my early college years, back when I met like-minded people who were totally uncritical of any film branded independent, who introduced me to the strange new world of Ska music, and who could recall the glories of Swan's Crossing with the same affection I did.

As a matter of fact, Shane McDermott – who played Garrett Booth, star-crossed lover of then dark haired Sarah Michelle Gellar in that oft-mentioned Brix Pick – takes the lead role of Mitchell Goosen in this movie, which is wholly acted by no one particularly good looking. Don't get me wrong, I love the kid, but I'd only cast him as a date rapist in a Lifetime movie titled something like, “If She Knew What She Wanted” (that's officially my idea now, so I don't want to see you all shopping scripts without due credit).

But don't fret if you've never seen the show, a plethora of non-Swan's Crossing talents abounds as well. Jack Black proves that he wasn't always just some cool dude that stumbled into comedic success as he hones his signature spazzing out before your very eyes and hams up lines like, “I like Nintendo and I like Nintendo” – oh, and he gets a tree in the nards. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my friend Brandon can be seen in the double date turned disaster scene – he's the one wearing a patchwork denim jacket and staring straight into the camera.

Stewart Copeland – yes, that Stewart Copeland – is behind the music, though I can't imagine he was 100% responsible for the B-grade Babyface-type song that includes the lyrics, “I'll pick you up in my per-son-al limonsine!” which plays during a rollerblading greenhouse scene… and I know he wasn't behind Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' montage of Seth Green trying on various outfits for a date, looking, I'm sad to say, a lot like a ventriloquist's dummy in all of them. Yep, Seth Green is here too, sporting a haircut and circular rose-tinted glasses that make him look like a lesbian friend on Ann Magnuson's, circa 1989. As always, he's totally boss as a goof ball best buddy.

The plot's a familiar one and we've all been there: you're a Ghandi-loving California surfer who tells his rollerblades 'gracias' at the end of the day and you come home to find your parents packed off to Australia forcing you to head to freezing Cincinnati, a sad, sad place where no one understands your enlightened Zen attitude and everyone plays hockey.

Ok, so maybe it didn't happen to you – but it happened to me… vicariously. In eighth grade we got our very own Mitch Goosen when Ryan Lokken, a?blonde California surfer dude enrolled in our class and (I swear) handed out wallet-sized portraits of his surf crew to all the ladies. But, unlike the Ohian high school in Airborne, we didn't have any forty-year-old bullies out for Ryan's blood.

But if your school did have bullies, cast as forty year olds or not, you might savor the moment when Mitch tells his, “I could give two left testicles about you, your school or you hockey game!” There's also some sweet afternoon movie romance with tapered jean dream named Nikki who, while only being Sarah Powell hot (from Charles in Charge), still manages to look pretty great next to the other slags.

It's a rare and wholesome treat (and, I might add, a nice companion piece to former guilty pleasure Heavyweights), the kind of movie where the big finale takes place at dun, dun, dun… The Devil's Backbone! “Only the most dangerous hill in the whole town!”

By the way,?watch it now on Netflix on demand because the DVD, according to super irate Amazon customers, is only available in German.

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Posted on March 30, 2009

Style Icons: Male »Arlo Weiner

arlo weinerMadmen creator Matt Weiner hasn't only given us an exquisitely styled TV show, he's also responsible for the precocious, dapper and most fashionable eight-year-old on the planet, Arlo. In a recently article in GQ, the diminutive stylisto wears an all red velvet ensemble for Valentine's Day, a brilliantly paired mix of plaids, a top hat, breeches and ascot, “'I've worn this to school about 12 times.' he says of this outfit”.

Since the slideshow hit GQ's site, tons of fashion blogs have picked up the story and Arlo, born 2001, only to be born again this year as an official style icon. Way to go, little guy!

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Posted on March 23, 2009

Laughs »Hausu

hausu killer lampshade crazy cat faceWow. Just… wow.
Really, wow. This is absolutely amazing!

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Posted on March 23, 2009

TV Shows »It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

it's always sunny in philadelphiaIt's Always Sunny in Philadelphia can be a little tough to get into. It's not the show's unrelenting assault on political correctness that's so initially off-putting (characters find out they have a Nazi grandfather, pick up girls at abortion rallies, and make terrorist threats – among other things). Thanks to great writing, that element of the show manages to work just fine. The problem is that each dude has a particular douchy look to his face that makes it really easy to doubt that they're actually funny. But funny they are, and while the show didn't become an obsession for us like it has for some friends, we had fun with the first and second season.

The ironic sitcom takes place in a divey Irish pub in south Philly run by three guys and one of their sisters. Boundary pushing antics ensue and, eventually, Danny Devito joins the cast and adds his own brand of irreverent tastelessness to the frequently R-rated shenanigans — don't be fooled by the cover of the DVD, DeVito doesn't comes along until the second season.

The pilot was famously shot on the cheap – on Letterman one night, DeVito claimed that it only cost $85 to produce – and it's pretty awesome that such a truly independent and admirably subversive show has gained such a cult following and has been afforded so much freedom from the F/X suits, who've just renewed it for a sixth(!) season.

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Posted on March 23, 2009

Places to Visit »Santa Barbara

astrid californiaThanks again to Astrid for helping me out this (and last) week!

Leaving Las Vegas we took the interstate west through the Nevada desert on our way to Santa Barbara.?Its a long dusty drive with scenic mountains in the background and random resorts and trailer parks sprouting up here and there.?Other then viewing the desert, when driving from Las Vegas to LA there are a few notable tourist trapish excursions.?Most of these are located in the town of Baker which is a famous pit stop for the Vegas-la travel set.?

First up was the Mad Greek which reminds me of a continuation on the whole My Big Fat Greek Wedding aesthetic.?There was literally hundreds and hundreds of pieces of Greek pride and flair.?The portions were huge and we decided to split a Greek salad with pita and that was plenty for the both of us.?Definitely a great hangover-over as you lurch your way back from Vegas to civilization.

Afterward we pulled into the famous Alien Jerky located nearby to pick up some flavored jerky.?They had the standard teryiaki/pepper varieties then things like salmon, buffalo, and whiskey jerky.

Stumbling around the first night, we stepped into this bustling but quaint local seafood restaurant, the Hungry Cat.?The kitchen is directly across from the bar where we sat so we got to see them prepare all this delicious looking fresh seafood.?The also had an impressive list of specialty cocktails and wines.?The food, drinks, coupled with the vibe (being California, you have to throw in the vibe) made it our favorite surprise of the city.?We'd highly recommend scouting it out if you're ever in town.

Almost as fun as tasting the wines in the Santa Ynez area is just driving around the rolling hills of vineyards.?Everything was so green and lush and the climate was warm and breezy.?As you're driving around you see that there are wineries everywhere, dozens and dozens.?We did a little research on different places and one that kept coming up was the Zoca Mesa winery.?It's a fairly secluded place that has a couple of hiking trails scenic picnic nooks and tables.?We did a tasting there and I was really impressed.?I had never considered myself much of a Shiraz person but theirs was just excellent.?Light and peppery and we ended up getting a whole magnum to share with friends we'd see later on our trip.

We spent some time researching what the best restaurant was in Santa Barbara and everything seemed to point to Bouchon.?So we went and were not disappointed.?The setting was reminiscent of a?quaint farmhouse and you felt relaxed and welcomed the minute you walked in.? The food was really great.?All fresh ingredients from local farms.?They even whipped up a special vegetarian entree for us with broccoli rabe and risotto that was creative and delicious.

One of the best things about the visit had to be the service.?The waiter treated us like old friends and not only gave us some free Humboldt fog (a delicious goat cheese made with vegetable ash) he also gave us a shortlist of the best wineries in the city.

Never to miss out on spectacle, we swung by what is believe to be the largest fig tree in the country, Santa Barbara's Moreton Bay Fig Tree.?Its massive!

One notable pit-stop was the Santa Barbara Brewhouse.?It was a true local joint, tucked away from the main strip of the town.?The place had a great neighborhood feel and brewed some really great beer.?Our favorite had to be the habanero infused pilsner.?It had a kick!?They served it in a small glass but the bartender said that people order it by the picture.?I wish I could have brought some home.

The Carr Winery is located in the city of Santa Barbara and we stopped by there at our Bouchon waiter's suggestion.?It was an old warehouse space converted into a tasting room and barrel storage facility.?We got a tasting and right away knew we'd be getting at least a bottle or two.?We tried a few super pinot noir's but one nice surprise was this Shiraz made by the assistant wine maker.?We also got a wine where there was only 800 cases made and not available anywhere else.?Would have to say it was probably the most consistent winery we visited there and will probably go back when we stop by Santa Barbara again.

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Posted on March 23, 2009

Spend a Couple Minutes »Marlow and Daughters

marlow and daughters beefThe people behind Marlow and Sons, one of Brooklyn's finest restaurants, have opened a wonderful butcher shop just up the block called Marlow and Daughters. I've been meaning to pay the meat paradise a visit since it opened (much to the delight of carnivorous food bloggers) back in December, but I didn't get around to it until a recent sunny afternoon.

The shop was clean and bright and shone like a freshly painted dream for red meat lovers; an array of meaty delights awaited us and even a goat's head peeked out from beneath the glass.

Facing down unfamiliar cuts of meat in a bustling shop can be an usual and admittedly intimidating experience for sure, but don't hesitate to ask questions, the staff seem to enjoy assisting customers. One sunnily dispositioned butcher was particularly helpful, walking us through our options and even offering useful preparation tips.

On his recommendation, we went home with a honking bone-in prime rib type thing called The Last Boy Scout that reminded me of something out of the Flintstones. It was cheaper than a prime rib because of the large bone that ran though its center, which made it a little tough to carve after cooking; fortunately no one was around to witness the rough around the edges results of our unpracticed meat carving skills.

The meat itself was tender and terrific and lots of people will be excited to learn that shop only serves local, grass fed and sustainable foods. I hope to make Marlow and Daughters a staple in my epicurean life, especially since they specialize in rare cuts and meats that can be hard – nay, impossible — to find in a traditional grocery store. Sure, the price is a bit higher than what you might be used to paying at C-Town, but it's still cheaper than eating out, right?

Aside from the meat, the shop also offers a selection of fine foods like olives, spreads and tarragon mustard (which I bought and love – I happen to be a tarragon fiend). I'm also planning on trying some of their delicious looking cured meats on an upcoming visit, of which there will be many.

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Posted on March 23, 2009